Ergo, Ego

Recently I have been in multiple situations regarding someone’s ego. Mine, a character I am writing, a lecture I am listening to, or witnessing it first-hand in one of the local stores.

And it has made me think differently. Could be my new stage of life. Or it could be I am just ready to learn.

But, in order to understand, I think I need to define it in a way that I understand it.

 And the best definition I have come across comes from one of my favorite books, The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. In it, he suggests that ego is a “self-centered psychological structure made up of memories, perspectives, traumas, expectations, and attachments to what is “me” and “mine.””

I love his book. It's a great read.

But what I think he is trying to tell me is ego forces you to prove your worth.

Wow. Really? It sounds exhausting.

And when I look in the mirror, or reflect on my life, it has been ego driving me this entire time. This need to prove that I am worthy. That I am smart, that I matter, that I can be as good or even better than everyone else.

No wonder I am tired.

Prove to whom? Myself mostly. But also, to the people in my scope of existence.

And I have come to the realization it makes me unhappy. I have nothing to prove. To anyone. Least of all myself.

And yet, ego is not all bad. As long as it’s healthy. I mean, its motivating, and allows for self-confidence, not to mention good communication skills and healthy boundaries.

It’s good to have a relationship with ego. I’ve achieved a lot because of my ego. But you run the risk of ego getting over inflated.

I look at things, people’s lives, or ideas and I think. I can do that. Or even, I can do that better.

Talk about an overinflated ego!

Then I think, why do I care? This person, this idea, that life is not mine. It’s that persons to do with as they please. I need to take a step back and evaluate my thought processes.

And there it is again. The need to prove that I am worthy. That I can do what they can do and do it better.

To what end?

I am grappling with learning to be friends with my ego. I think that is very important.

Acknowledging ego, being aware, taking a step back, or as Michael Singer suggests, “a witness consciousness” to observe without attachment.

So, I am trying to do better.

To watch when my ego kicks in and takes over. To realize that compassion and clarity do a lot to get rid of greed and hatred, of self mostly, but others too.

I am aware and I think that means something.

Ergo, Ego.