Trying something new is scary and challenging. My ‘something new’ is self-publishing a book, but for others it might be a new diet or exercise program, or perhaps abstaining from alcohol, or your personal drug of choice. The implications generally revolve around failure. Failure to achieve the desired effect.
When I first started this journey of ‘something new’ I told myself I just wanted to prove to myself I could do it. But that is not the truth. The truth is, I want to be a New York Times Best-Selling Author. Nora Roberts, look out! Leah Dawkins is on the move. Talk about setting yourself up for failure, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about the dream goal. And scaring myself silly.
I was told, somewhere at some time, that you should give yourself 100 days of doing all the things required of your ‘something new.’ For me, on my self-publishing journey, this meant actually publishing the book, marketing the book, and putting myself out there everyday at Farmers Markets, festivals, bookstores, social media, and (gulp) Goodreads. I even submitted for a book award.
And I have never felt so vulnerable in my entire life.
And I learned more about myself than I have since I first became a wife and mother.
I am my own worst enemy.
And this is what I have learned about myself and personal growth.
1. Have faith in the process. I think I believed in the process if not necessarily the journey itself. I have definitely done most of the recommendations, but my journey has been very personal and very different than those I read about...yet also strangely the same. It’s a bit odd.
2. Yoga, hiking, nature, prayer, decreases the anxiety and calms the inner fears. And showers. Lots of showers. For me, connecting with my inner self everyday sometimes two and three times a day, helped to re-center myself.
3. I have now gotten reacquainted with my 16-year-old self, you know, that brave girl who truly believed I could be anything I wanted. I just needed to set my mind in the right frame. I see her regularly. She is in the joy of a rain, in the laughter of a shared joke with my husband, the smile to a stranger, the goofiness of facetime with my children, the awkwardness of experiencing something new and foreign, the bravery of trying in the first place. I go back to her frequently, picture her and give her a hug...I have soooo missed her.
4. I really love all the people I have met over the first 100 days. People on social media, people at the Farmers Markets, strangers who come up to me and want to discuss my book and when the next one will be available. It has made me realize the impact kind words have on those around you. Especially to vendors sitting out at their booths in the hot summer sun, just praying someone will stop and see the worth of their craft.
5. I now know peace, every single day. I did not expect this, and truly am surprised by this revelation. To know peace. I think of peace in the same terms as say, quality. It’s hard to define, but we all know it when we see or experience it. It is a gift. Why peace? Because I did something really hard for me and I didn’t die, of embarrassment or anything else.
Why do we make things in our head so much worse than what they are when we actually do them? I have loved my ‘something new.’ I look back and can barely remember the panic attacks and fear that accompanied my book launch. Now I am getting ready to launch my second book and though I am nervous it won’t be as well received as the first one, it’s okay. I have grown, I have learned, and I have done it once. The second time will just be that much easier.
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